Percy Weasley, Pinup Model?
by gngrlvr1
Summary: The Minister wants Percy to pose for a pin-up calender.


Title: Percy Weasley, Pin Up Model?

Rating: PG -13  
Authors Notes: Written for keppiehed who gave me the prompt. Percy Weasley, Dolores Umbridge and the phrase " ...and that's how i ended up with a goldfish, naked, and covered in mayonnaise." *shudders*  
Disclaimer: Don't own it, cause if I did I would have gone with the first draft of DH and killed Arthur instead of Lupin. *cuddles Remy while glaring at JKR*

I just stared at the Minister, my mouth hanging open in disbelief.

"You want me to 'what'?"

"Pose for our annual 'Men of the Ministry calendar."

All I could do was blink. Surely he couldn't be serious? I've seen those calendars; all the models are nearly naked! No no certainly not! My Mum might see it, or worse, the twins!

"With all due respect Minister; I am going to have to decline." I tried to look apologetic but I think I just came off as looking constipated.

"Mr. Weasley, may I remind you that I have generously overlooked your horrible lack of judgment while you were working in the Department of Magical Cooperation and even promoted you to your current position?"

Dammit! Did he always have to bring that up? Of course he does, cause he knows I'll do whatever he wants if he does.

"No sir. I'd be happy to pose for your calendar." I sighed trying to keep from blushing.

So that's how I found myself with a goldfish, naked, and covered in mayonnaise. I was to be Mr. August and the photographer, and I do use the term loosely, wanted it to be like a Muggle pin-up calendar. So he conjured up a beach scene then had me lie on a towel with nothing but a little goldfish bowl to preserve my dignity. Then he says, since I'm so fair skinned I should be wearing that Muggle sun block cream, but he doesn't have any so he just grabs some mayonnaise from the lunch cart and rubs it all over me! I have never been so humiliated in my life! Well there was that one time in the prefect's bathroom with Oliver Wood... No this is definitely more embarrassing. Then to top it all off, guess who's in charge of this whole thing. That horrible Umbridge woman. Every time her beady little eyes roam over my body it makes my skin crawl and that sickeningly girlish giggle of hers makes me want to puke.

Merlin I wish this guy would take the picture already, it's cold in here!

Finally, blessedly, he takes the bloody picture and I'm allowed to dress and go home. I go into the dressing room to retrieve my clothes and Umbridge is in there.

"Hello Mr. Weasley" she says and giggles.

I'm trying really hard not to turn around and run as she flutters her eyelashes at me, at least that's what I think she's doing, it really just looks like she's having some kind of seizure.

"You did very well today." her eyes roam over my towel clad body and I fight the urge to shudder.

"Thank you Madam Secretary"

I try not to cringe as she begins circling me. I now know what a fly must feel like just before it gets eaten. She's standing in front of me, so close I can smell her awful floral perfume. She was doing that seizure thing with her eyes again.

"You're a very handsome young man Mr. Weasley"

I watched as she moved her hand towards my bare chest. Oh Merlin she's going to touch me! I was really panicking now and I screamed out the first thing that popped into my head.

"I'M GAY!"

Well that definitely stopped her. She was blinking up at me in surprise. I didn't wait to hear her reaction; I just grabbed my clothes and my wand and apparated straight to my flat.

After I'd scrubbed every inch of my body three times I went into the kitchen and poured a very large shot of firewhiskey.

"Of all the stupid idiotic things to do!" I chastised myself, "I've just outed myself to the worst possible person!"

I knocked back the drink and refilled the glass before sinking into a chair and banging my head on the table.

The next day I woke up with the worst hang over ever. I thought about owling in but thought better of it. I might as well go in and face the music and get it over with. 'Maybe if I beg really hard my family will let me move back in after Fudge fires me' I think as I make my way to my office. I sat sadly at my desk and waited for the Minister to come in. As I was wallowing in self-pity an inter-office memo landed on my desk. I opened it and was immediately assaulted by Dolores Umbridge's horrible perfume. I sighed and began to read.

_Dear Mr. Weasley,_

I must apologize for what happened yesterday. You must have misunderstood my intentions I am truly sorry if you thought I was being inappropriate. Please accept my apology and let's leave all this messy business behind us.

Sincerely,  
Dolores Umbridge

P. S. I also think your little outburst should be kept just between us don't you?

I sat back in my chair utterly speechless. She wasn't going to tell? A smile crept across my face. Maybe Madam Umbridge wasn't so horrible after all.

Meanwhile...

"You're absolutely certain Dolores?"

"Yes Cornelius, he definitely 'beats for the other team'"

The Minister grinned wickedly, picturing everything he'd soon be doing to his new Junior Undersecretary.

"Thank you Dolores that will be all."


End file.
